


Lost Smiles

by Saraste



Series: February Ficlet Challenge 2018 [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, February Ficlet Challenge, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Partial Botfa Fix-It, Prompt: person B cannot sleep, Thorin lived, shirehusbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 18:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saraste/pseuds/Saraste
Summary: Thorin goes to the Shire with Bilbo.





	Lost Smiles

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day 2. person B cannot sleep for February Ficlet challenge.

The first months at Bag End are rough. Bilbo thinks that it must be because the Shire is so quiet and peaceful,  _ so safe _ . On the road, they had both been so worn out and tired after their days progress that sleep had come easily and if it hadn’t, Thorin had always volunteered to sit watch by their fire. Bilbo had tried to argue with him on the subject but had eventually given in, even when he had known that sitting alone and awake had not been what Thorin had needed right then, but he had had no pull to make Thorin sleep when he didn’t want to.

When they had finally made it to the Shire and reclaimed Bag End from Bilbo’s grasping relations Thorin had been a shadow of himself and Bilbo’s heart had bled for him. He had already borne his share of loss before their journey and had lost during, but he is a hobbit and hobbits try to cope with getting on with things, using mundane daily life as a remedy for the pain of loss.

Thorin works and he functions but he does not sleep.

Spring comes and the hills grow green and small flowers break up through the soil to dot flower-beds and hillsides with whites, reds, blues and yellows. Bilbo sometimes catches Thorin cradling a flower in his palm and smile a little, but always just a little. It feels like and age since Bilbo last saw Thorin’s big broad smile, the smile that stopped his heart and made him ache. He has Thorin now, in as many ways that a hobbit can have a broken dwarf and not be taking advantage, but those smiles are gone and tears greet the sight of little hobbitlings, which should bring a smile to any face. Thorin cannot bear to tell tales of holding small dwarflings in his arms and Bilbo doesn’t have the heart to ask, not yet, not while the sight of blood and forever-stilled bodies haunt his nightmares.

Bilbo sleeps, if fitfully and with nightmares, but feels bad about it because Thorin doesn’t. Thorin should. Indeed, he does lie down with Bilbo in the evenings, first in Bilbo’s old bed and then in the new one where they have more room, but he doesn’t sleep where Bilbo can see. He must doze on occasion because he still keeps to his feet during the day but Bilbo suspects that he hasn’t slept a night through in the Shire, which is verified when he eventually asks when they are readying to go to bed and Thorin cannot lie to him.

‘It’s safe here in the Shire,’ Bilbo says, soft and searching Thorin’s face for clues, which is hard enough by only candle-light, as the sky outside has darkened.

Thorin is silent for a long time, sitting across from Bilbo and merely looking at him, hands plucking distractedly at the quilt beneath them. The sound of some far-away merriment floats in through the open window, the spring evening is warm enough to keep the window open a bit longer, maybe through the night, if they so choose. 

‘Thorin?’ Bilbo finally has to say because he cannot bear the silence any longer.

‘We never should have left…’Thorin said, ‘we should have stayed here, or better yet, in Ered Luin because then…’

Bilbo gathers Thorin in his arms and held him as he shook, as he wept. ‘I know,’ he tells Thorin, rubbing at his back and urging him to lie down with him. He continues to talk as Thorin cries, talking until he goes hoarse, talking soothing nonsense until he cannot.

That night, Thorin sleeps.

  
  



End file.
